Valentine’s Day after divorce doesn’t have to be a painful reminder – learn some tips!

Valentine’s Day after divorce can be fraught with feelings. So many people have been wed in the month of February as it is the “Month of Love” including Valentine’s Day.  What happens when that marriage, that commitment to love one another forever ends in Divorce and February comes again, with Valentine’s Day dead center? 

No matter how many years you were with your partner, February was probably a time you declared your undying love for one another. How do you transform this challenging time of dreams unrealized, promises broken and life changed forever into a time of loving yourself and your journey?

February may be the month you feel most unloved, sad, lost, broken. A broken dream and a broken promise can be a traumatic experience especially if we are talking about the loss of a partner, lover, friend. This change is a true trauma, and it affects you on every level, physically, emotionally, energetically, even cellularly. How do you get through another February, how do you help a friend who is struggling with their divorce or breakup? 

A recurring theme in my blogs is to notice. Notice how you are feeling. Are you ready to celebrate or just get comfy on the couch? Or go out with friends or take a long walk at on your favorite trail? Make sure you reach out to those who understand and let them know how you are doing and if you want to go out ask them to join you – you know who your friends and family are who love you no matter what.

There is also nothing wrong with taking some time to feel what you are feeling, grieving the loss, but make sure you move towards finding your happiness, and practice each year on those tough anniversaries decide how you want to spend that day, what would bring you comfort.

For your friends who are in this position, notice their mood and how they are expressing themselves. Care enough to pause and act, send a message of care and love or even a little gift that will let them know you are thinking of them.  I often thought that I needed to notice and offer a grand gesture of love and support or create an opportunity for my friend to forget and to just feel joy, but now I know what I want to do and what they need might be different. Take a minute to reflect on your friend’s history, experience, likes and dislikes – things you intuitively know – and think about a few different things they might appreciate.

Here are a few ways you can help someone managing Valentine’s Day after divorce:

• Use your calendar and mark down their wedding anniversary and maybe the day their divorce was final.  Just put a reminder in your planner to send them some love around those times. 
• Make sure you invite them to things, even if they say no.  Invitation is a gift that is filled with love and blessings.
• Send them a gift, something they would enjoy, to just say they are important and that you care.
• Reach out and make sure they know you know this is a significant anniversary or date for them.   

Believe it or not but a divorce or breakup can be a gift if you can move beyond the hurt and trauma and find what is next for you and your life.   One of my favorite mentors Dumari St. Angelo, an inspiring beacon of love, wrote a book called “The Gift of Divorce”. Here is a link to her talk entitled “Being Truly Happy After Divorce or Breakup”.

Living happily ever after has very little to do with what has happened, it has everything to do with how you move forward and find joy in your life. Even though Valentine’s Day after divorce can be a hurdle, it doesn’t have to be a wall with some self awareness and the right support.